For conservatives who never brought up politics—but got cut off anyway
A friend of mine called me recently, almost in tears. One of her closest friends—someone she’d known for over 30 years—had unfriended her on Facebook and cut ties in real life. The only explanation? She voted for Trump. No argument, no harsh words, just silence and disappearance. She was gutted. "What’s wrong with me?" she asked. This wasn’t the first time—it was the fifth or sixth. Each time chips away at her trust and makes her ask the question, "Were they ever really my friend to begin with?"
You didn’t scream about politics on Facebook.
You didn’t argue at Thanksgiving.
You didn’t even bring it up.
But somehow, people who claimed to love you—people you’ve known since high school, shared holidays with, cried with, laughed with—decided you were no longer worth keeping in their lives.
All because of how you voted.
If you’re a conservative who quietly supported Donald Trump, chances are you’ve seen friendships die without warning. Maybe you were unfriended. Maybe you got the cold shoulder at church. Maybe a friend confronted you with a line like, “I just can’t be friends with someone who supports that.”
It’s a gut punch.
And what makes it harder? You never made your relationships about politics. You never posted memes, ranted online, or tried to persuade anyone to think like you. You voted the way you thought was right—based on your values, your beliefs, your life experience. You thought your friends knew you better than that.
You thought love and history meant something.
This Isn’t About Politics. It’s About Grief.
Let’s call it what it is: this isn’t a political debate. This is personal grief.
You’ve lost people you trusted. Not because you hurt them—not because you broke a boundary—but because they’ve decided your vote defines your soul. It’s isolating. It’s confusing. And it’s painful.
Plenty of people on the Left speak openly about “cutting off toxic family members” for political differences, and that message is everywhere in modern therapy circles. But what if you’re the one who got cut off? What if you’re the one trying to stay civil, trying to keep connection, and still getting abandoned?
That story doesn’t get told often enough. But it’s real. And if you’re living it, you’re not alone.
So What Now?
If you’ve lost friends over politics—even when you never made politics the focus—here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Your vote doesn’t erase your character.
One ballot box moment doesn’t cancel out years of kindness, loyalty, and decency. The people who walked away may never see that—but you need to.
2. You’re allowed to grieve.
Even if the culture says, “Well, you brought this on yourself,”—you didn’t. You’re allowed to feel heartbroken. These were real relationships. This is a real loss.
3. You’re not the only one.
I’ve heard this story again and again in therapy: good, grounded people blindsided by political rejection. You’re not some fringe case. This is happening everywhere—and it hurts.
4. Don’t become what they accuse you of.
Bitterness, rage, and vengeance won’t heal the wound. Stay grounded. Stay kind. Don’t harden your heart. They may have painted you with a broad brush—don’t do the same in return.
5. Build new friendships with people who see you.
Not your vote. Not your yard sign. You. It may take time, but connection is still possible—with people who value mutual respect over political purity.
Final Thought
You shouldn’t have to hide your values to keep your friends. And you shouldn’t be punished for staying quiet either.
If you’re grieving the loss of a friendship that fell apart for no good reason, therapy can help you make sense of the pain—and rebuild your confidence in who you are. You’re not broken. You’re not dangerous. You’re not the villain.
You’re just someone who believed what they believed—and got rejected for it.
If you’re ready to talk to someone who gets it, I offer telehealth therapy for Vermont adults who are tired of being misunderstood.
Visit www.commonmantherapyllc.com to schedule a free consultation.
#VermontTherapy #ConservativeTherapist #MiddleGroundMatters #CommonManTherapy
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